Toxic ex-partners teach you so much, yet not everyone is able to leave. But when you do, they make you realize your worth and that you deserve more in life.
Here’s my story:
To my toxic ex, which I loved and was once a significant part of my life. I loved your humor. I loved all the little things you did that were special to me. They enchanted me that I did not see what you were hiding until it was too late.
The times you belittled me, I brushed it off as I thought you wanted the best for me and felt guilty as I thought I was wrong. I let you dismiss my fears and emotions, as I believed you when you said I was overreacting.
As the bad started overweighing the good, I realized it was not my fault. I allowed you to do it to me because I loved you and thought you loved me, even thought it was normal. I felt confused and lost.
I knew I had to decide, which I mulled over and over in my head, what do I do. Finally, I made the decision to leave as I had to find myself again where I didn’t do and say everything wrong, Where I was once laughing and not crying inside.
Fortunately, I had support from a friend. Some of you don’t have that support as you are too scared to open up and tell anyone. Please get support from a family member or a close friend, maybe even a support group.
It will not be easy to leave, as I know how hard it was for me. The fear of the unknown, yet I did it. I now feel free from all that pressure that was placed on me to watch what I said and did.
I now recognize the lessons I have learned from you – here are a few lessons I have learned from a toxic ex.
1. I must trust my gut
There are times all of us tend to ignore our gut feelings. For example, when you are with a toxic partner, you tend to ignore the gut feeling that tells you that this person is not good for you. After losing a toxic person like that, you realize that your gut feeling was right and that you should trust it.
2. I must listen to my loved ones
Although your love towards your toxic partner blinds you, your family members and friends see right through this toxic person. They might warn you about him or her, but you ignore them because you are too blind to accept the reality that he or she is bad for you. After leaving a toxic partner, you finally come to realize that your family and friends had your best interests at heart.
3. I must never ignore the red flags
Love makes us ignore flaws in people, especially flaws in toxic people. You ignore red flags, although they get bigger and bigger day by day. When you finally leave a toxic partner, you learn that you should never ignore red flags. Pay attention to them.
4. I don’t expect anyone to change
We hold on to toxic partners thinking that they are going to change with time. But the thing that you have to realize is that people change only if they want to. You can’t change a person without their own will to do so. All you can do is to leave them.
5. I need to put myself first
When you’re with a toxic partner, you put their needs first, ignoring your own. You go through hell just to cater to their needs. You lose your own identity because of this. But once you lose a toxic partner, you learn that you need to put yourself first and realize your self-worth. Do NOT allow people to take that away from you.
6. Forgiving myself is important
It would be best if you stopped blaming yourself for their toxicity. It isn’t your fault that the relationship was drowning; it was due to your toxic partner’s shortcomings. When you leave a toxic partner, you realize that you need to forgive yourself for what happened because it wasn’t your fault at all. Unfortunately, you were merely a pawn in their game.
Here are a few ways to help recover after the breakup:
- Allow yourself to feel sad and have a good cry if you need it.
- Do not doubt what you did.
- Stay out of contact with the ex.
- Do something creative to help keep your mind busy.
- Focus on the present.
- Love yourself.
- Spend time with people that make you happy and allows you to be yourself without judgment.