Inevitability, you will cross paths with a toxic grudge bearer in your lifetime.
Most people who get angry tend to express it openly, and then there are the few who use other tactics. Everyone is different, country and culture make no difference.
It isn’t easy to deal with an angry person, yet it is a blessing compared to those who hold grudges.
Holding grudges for the wrong reasons is very toxic for you or anyone else for that matter. The person who holds a grudge will suffer negative consequences. It is possible that holding a grudge will affect your health, the same way stress does.
I love this quote, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.”
There are some people who will hold a grudge against you for something they did and blame you, regardless if you reacted to it or let it slide. A person could hold a grudge against you for not fueling the fire that they started, or you may have overreacted. Most occasions, if you did either one, they will still hold that grudge cause that is who they are, grudge bearers.
A situation like that is challenging. The best is to try to rectify it or drop it and move on.
You could confront the issue by approaching them. Ask them what it would take to make the situation better.
If you know you did something wrong, then it is your responsibility to apologize. Keep in mind that they would probably want you to make the first move and rectify the situation. Work towards a solution or compromise.
Some grudge bearers would want you to say that you were wrong and want you to justify it, even if you were not in the wrong.
Here is where you can pass the buck. Approach the person and ask them what would make the situation better; this way, it would allow them to look within and see that it is probably ludicrous to have behaved in this manner. Should they neglect to see the problem, then at least you have learned to make some changes in your life about your status or your friends.
Some people need to hold on to grudges, as they are probably at war with themselves.
Some people get defensive very quickly and have built walls around themselves, which is a sign that it could be something to do with their past or their current situation. Those circumstances could give them a reason to behave like that.
A narcissist may have controlled the person, therefore understanding their situation will help to put things into perspective. Be helpful until they have cooled down, alternatively, if that doesn’t happen, a simple apology could make them feel better about themselves, or you could be the better person and apologize in such a way for both of you, then you can both move forward.
The best course of action; ignore their grudge, don’t apologize if you are not at fault, just let it go. Give that person space, most times the grudges don’t last long and blow over. The angry person will act like nothing ever happened. On occasion, friendships end with grudges.
It is not fun to deal with a grudge bearer, yet some people can only deal with their problems by pushing people away, and it could start with a grudge.
If there is no escape from the grudge, you should walk away. There is a healthy way to get angry, and it certainly is not by holding grudges, as holding a grudge means that you are continually feeling angry, and it is not always visible.
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