Connect with us

Hi, what are you looking for?

Enlightened Consciousness


Reasons Why Some People Have Affairs

Have you been in a relationship where your partner is cheating on you? One of your first thoughts is, what have I done wrong, or what am I doing wrong!?

After about 15 years of experience and research, Dr. R. Scott Gornto, a therapist, discovered why people have affairs. Dr. Gornto explains that when affairs begin, a person doesn’t fall in love with the other person, at least not initially.

Here are a few of the common reasons why people cheat after years of marriage:

Falling in love with the idea of the person.

It is not the person they fall in love with but rather a fantasy they have created inside their heads. People fall in love with the picture they have painted of what life would be like with this person. They believe that someone will meet all their needs.

Affairs are about a deep longing and need for external validation. 

One of the reasons is when a person is in the prime of life, they go through what is called a midlife crisis. 

People often search for validation outside of themselves and their marriage. They need to hear and feel that they are attractive, valued, etc. 

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

In their marriage, they become comfortable, and they don’t get that satisfaction and fulfillment anymore. Having an affair, the person would be new, so everything is refreshing, and they would get those feelings again.

They become intoxicated by the feelings they get from this affair. The new person would hang on their every word. They also feel that they are not being taken for granted because they are getting attention and admiration.

Therefore, they fall in love with the new image and version of themselves — that version of receiving praise and attracting new people.

Feelings become addictive.

New relationships (romances) gives positive external feedback, and the person can become addicted to that feeling they get from it.

During the affair’s initial stage, three main chemicals released are dopamine, adrenaline, and serotonin are some of love’s fundamental chemicals.

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

Therefore, the other person rarely brings on the affair; more often than not, affairs begin due to a lack of a need to feel valued and noticed.

Before you take a step towards having an affair, step back, and reflect on your own inner needs and longings. 

Men’s and women’s needs in a relationship are different.

In any relationship, understanding the different needs of men and women is vital for survival. Men have needs where they need to feel appreciated. Female needs are to feel loved.

Men need to communicate through their actions while women need to communicate through words. Whereas men need time to sort their emotions out, women need to unburden theirs through words. 

Advertisement. Scroll to continue reading.

You May Also Like


As a human being, at some point in your life, you get into a relationship. Not all relationships succeed, and when a relationship fails,...


According to therapists, the people you surround yourself with are usually reflections of the way you feel about yourself. Our relationships reflect our state...


It is sad to see how people these days remain in toxic one-sided relationships just because they fear being alone. That is because of...


Trust is a vital component in successful relationships. Lack of trust in a relationship can lead to you getting hurt, anxious, and worried.  Here...


Romance is essential for a relationship to be successful. Being a romantic is all about expressing love and dedication in an intentional, deeply affectionate,...


Love that relies on conditions is not very sustainable. You can’t treat love as if it were a switch that you could turn on...


Some things can ruin your relationship once and for all. These habits might seem like they are not that big of a deal. Yet...


Have your friends ever advised you that it is unreasonable to find someone perfect to be in a relationship? Or that it’s wrong to...

error: Content is protected