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Enlightened Consciousness


Why Introverts (INFJs) Cut People Out Their Lives ~ ‘Door Slam’

Plenty of people may read this article without having a clue what an INFJ is, let alone an INFJ “door slam.” However, INFJs, as well as those who have been in relationships with them, will understand what this is.

INFJ is a personality that is characterized by Myers Briggs Personality archetypes. It’s believed they make up approximately 1% of inhabitants. The initials INFJ stand for the following: introverted, intuitive, feeling, and judgment our thoughts.

Out of all the traits of INFJ, the “door slam” may be the most infamous one. The reason for this is not because of the actual hypothetical door slamming. But this is because of what takes place up until the firmly shut.

INFJs often give it all. So if they abused relentlessly, they would sever all ties, like blocking telephone numbers and social media links, in extreme cases. They could relocate without giving a forwarding address.

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INFJs are tolerant creatures. They are renowned for allowing others to treat them in a bad way.  

INFJs are compassionate, empathetic, forgiving souls. They also try to give people the benefit of the doubt. These folks offer a second chance with the hopes that the person will change one day.

Some of them also hope that the slamming of the door will make the other person realize what they have lost. They do not enjoy drama or leaving on a negative note. So in a lot of ways, the door slam can be a final chance for the other person to jolted to action. Even when the relationship cannot be saved, at least there would be no lingering hard feelings.

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They also want the other person to get the message. So they will not try to walk back through the door, thinking that it is everything okay.

INFJs grieve and mourn the loss before they lose the connection with that person. 

It makes it easier for them to accept that the relationship was often based on illusion. What they thought they had, did not exist.

These people are introverts — it means that they internally process much of what goes on around them. Because of this, they do not feel emotionally safe with a particular person. Also, they may not openly express what they think or feel.

INFJs usually give out numerous warning before the door slam. They let whoever is involved to know that they do not find their behavior acceptable. The usual occurrence of door slams is when INFJ distance themselves after being hurt repeatedly. Most of the time, when they don’t feel that the other person is willing to make an effort to change its personality.

When an INFJ is done trying, they feel more liberated and lighter. 

They also swiftly move forward. Possibly removing all the different reminders form their past.

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They are not the type of people who make demands and tell others how they want to be treated, especially when they are in a romantic relationship. They have hopes that if someone cares deeply for them, their actions, as well as words, will reflect that.

Because they are highly intuitive and read situations in a positive way, they may sometimes forget that not every person has such abilities. They are compassionate, communicate as much open as possible, as well as explain why they feel that before they opt-out.

Their door slam serves as a self-protection mechanism. INFJs can even try to discern whether they devote too much time and energy to those people that do not hold the relationship in the same high regard.

Although the door slam also sounds severe, these people are usually forgivers. 

They may allow the person that they have slammed the door to get back in their life in the future. But the reason for this is if they feel that the behaviors have changed. They are not going to fall back into the same dynamics, which is unhealthy.

Sometimes, the door slam will happen in their mind and heart, and they will continue remaining in contact with the “door slam” person. 

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However, by this point, a significant change in the relationship can happen. They will no longer be investing the same time, as well as attention and energy in the relationship. Contact will be limited to functional communication.

Moreover, it is rare for these people to entirely trust someone that they have once have given the “door slam.” Likely, the relationship will never be the same as it was earlier.

Those people who are in a dynamic with INFJs can estimate how severe the door slam is, just by observing whether the slam was in haste, fury, or calmly and rationally.

These people are far more likely to slam a door very quickly, for good, when a person is hurt by someone they love or care about. The saddest thing is that they may allow themselves to be abused all the time continuously, yet they will not tolerate abuse of any kind when directed at someone else. 

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