How to Spot a Commitment-Phobe and How to Deal With Them

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Commitment phobia doesn’t mean you don’t want to commit; it just means that you fear commitment.

People that fear commitment could find it affects numerous aspects of their lives, not just relationships. It can go well beyond that. That fear of commitment overspills, and they can find it challenging to make any decisions that regard long-term decisions. 

According to Arthur Peirce, who writes about mental health, you can spot a person who has commitment-phobe when they can’t even commit to a job or career. They keep changing jobs without a rational excuse.

While numerous people struggle to find the perfect person to date, commitment-phobes tend to have dated many people for short periods. They may never get to the relationship stage; they refer to it as friendship. Possibly friends with benefits, just not mentioning that they are actually in a more than just friends relationship.

Commitment-phobes are afraid to commit to attending functions as well as make plans for the future. They would tend to wait until the last minute to confirm.

Commitment-phobes struggle with saying or, for that matter, hearing ‘I love you.’ Those words would make a relationship real, regardless if they ‘love you’ or are ‘in love with you.’ 

There is a difference between the two. Being in love or loving someone is totally different. I love my family, friends, and dog, yet I am in love with my husband.

Commitment-phobes have problems with introducing you to their family and friends, as that would confirm you mean more to them than they want to let on. It would have the same effect as saying ‘I love you.’ This way, they are keeping you in a separate compartment of their personal life.

How to deal with a commitment-phobe.

Firstly ask them what their goals are. Then you would have to assess if your commitment-phobic partner is causing you anxiety, stress, or causing you more harm than good. Does your relationship make you feel unhappy more often than it makes you feel happy? Should you find that you are most of the time unhappy, then it is probably a good idea to walk away. 

Relationships aren’t about perfection; your lover doesn’t have to be perfect in the eyes of others; they just need to be enough for you. We all want someone willing to match our effort.

Any relationship that causes you unhappiness, stress, and anxiety is not worth it. It could affect your health in the long run. It is hard to turn your back on someone who you thought was your true love. It isn’t easy to move on from the person you thought would forever be there in your life. 

Because your relationship is not giving you what you want or need by not saying the things you want to hear, it could make you feel that person you care about does not reciprocate your feelings, don’t allow that to convince you that you are unworthy of love. 

Give yourself a timeline, if it is still not getting what you need, then you need to take action.

It is hard to leave a relationship where you have deep feelings and not ready to walk away. In this case, try to make sure that you always put yourself first, make sure your own needs are met.

Carry on with the things you have committed to. A commitment-phobe needs to know that you are not pushing them, that they feel the walls are closing in on them. A commitment-phobe needs space, and they also don’t need to feel pressurized and rushed.

Your partner may have a commitment-phobe, yet the communication channel should be open for any relationship to survive. Both have to put effort into listening and sharing things. Try to get them to open up more. Avoid nagging them.

It’s essental to keep in mind that your partner may never change their mind about commitments.

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