Emotionally detaching from a loved one doesn’t mean you emotionally unavailable. Neither does it mean that you won’t have a healthy relationship again.
It merely means that even though you love that person, you have to let them go. It is about becoming free to heal your heart so that you can love again.
Getting attached to someone we care about, and love is healthy, yet codependent attachments can cause pain and problems in any relationship. Becoming overly attached is not love; it is needy.
Do your moods and happiness depend on others?
Do you have strong emotional reactions to other people’s opinions, judgments, feelings, and thoughts? Do you spend loads of time worrying about other people’s problems? Do you please people cause you afraid of rejection? Do you drop your activities if someone disapproves or won’t join you?
Humans need people to act in specific ways to feel good. Controlling and managing, worrying and reacting, and obsessing are counter-productive codependent patterns.
Do you try to control loved one’s feelings, opinions, and actions?
Do you try to manage them to avoid their suffering or try to impress and please them? Do you try to persuade them to agree with you and what you want, and if they don’t, you react with anger and hurt?
It is crucial to learn how to detach emotionally from someone you love and can’t be with, as well as from any unhealthy relationship. You will not always struggle with these painful feelings, as your heart will heal, and you will recover your true self.
It is about how you distance yourself that it is the first step to healing.
It is terribly painful to see a loved one being self-destructive, detaching allows us to enjoy life despite the other person’s behavior and problems.
Detachment is a way of separating unhealthy emotions that keep us fused in a codependent relationship. It does not mean physically withdrawing or neglecting family responsibilities. It does not mean ignoring, being disinterested, aloof, or, for that matter, leaving the person.
Detaching means neutrality. Allowing physical space, setting boundaries, and centering yourself is very useful. Some people prefer to have no contact with a person as it is too painful to stay in contact.
Some divorced couples are more reactive and emotionally attached, as they can push your buttons in a phone call.
Detaching is about refocusing and taking charge of yourself.
The critical ingredient to detaching is letting go of your expectations and entanglements with other people’s affairs and problems.
Stop reacting to things they do and say.
Don’t overreact by obsessing and worrying about things that are not your business or that you cannot control.
Channel your feelings and concerns in a healthy manner.
Leave the past behind and the future in the future, be in the present.
Take responsibility for your feelings and your needs.
Detaching is letting go with love!
With persistence, compassion, understanding, you can let go with love.
There’s no need to argue or persuade others, instead show respect and honor boundaries. A perfect example when someone you love and care about is depressed; you can say, “I feel sad when I see you are depressed.” Be compassionate and encouraging.
Are you over-involved?
When you worry, it is a sign that you are attached to a specific outcome.
When you frustrated with a loved one, it is because you’re attached to them being different from who they are.
When you are giving unsolicited advice, you are crossing a boundary and assuming a superior position. (We all do this yet, codependents do it excessively).
Detaching from a loved one, you no longer expect them to make you happy or to fill the empty spaces in your life. Therefore the bond with them will strengthen as it is no longer built on expectations and dependency.
The true essence of love is that you don’t seek completeness; you can only share it.