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A Buddhist Nun Describes The Difference Between Genuine Love and Attachment

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Love comes in all sorts of forms. We receive love from our family, friends, and partner. Love a significant role in our life. When it comes to relationships, we should be able to recognize the difference between genuine love and attachment. 

Tenzin Palmo Jetsunma, a Tibetan Buddhist nun who stated that genuine love is wanting the other person to be happy, whereas attachment is wanting that other person to make you happy. She is a teacher, author, and founder of the Dongyu Gatsal Ling Nunnery in Himachal Pradesh, India.

Knowing the difference between love and attachment.

The issue is, as humans, we mistake the idea of love for attachment. We tend to believe that when in a relationship, grasping and clinging on to our partner is what love is all about. But this is not true. It is called attachment and not love. Attachment causes so much pain.

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The more we cling on to someone or something, the harder it is for us to let go. Attachment makes us afraid of losing people. So when we do lose someone, we end up suffering. Attachment gives you an idea that “I love you, so I want you to make me happy”.

But genuine love means something where you say, “I love you, so I want you to be happy”. It could include you or not, but your focus should be on your partner’s happiness. Attachment and genuine love are two completely different feelings. Attachment makes you hold on to a person tightly. 

Genuine love means holding on very gently in a nurturing manner and allowing things to flow. It is not about holding on tightly. When we hold on to people tightly, we tend to suffer. People have a hard time understanding this difference. 

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As humans, we believe that holding on to someone shows that we care about them. But this belief is inaccurate. We grasp on to things because we are afraid that we ourselves will get hurt.

Attachment is when we think that we can fulfill ourselves through our partner. These sorts of relationships are complicated and problematic. 

Two people should come together after feeling fulfilled within themselves and acknowledge that in the other. You shouldn’t get into a relationship seeking that feeling of wellbeing from your partner just because you don’t feel that way on your own. 

Depending on your partner for your own happiness creates so many problems within a relationship. You end up projecting your ideals, ideas, and desires on to your partner, even though he/she cannot fulfill them. 

Your partner is not some prince or princess from a fairytale. He/she is also a human being similar to you, who is struggling to get by. You have to realize that and see them clearly for who they are. Love them for who they are, not what you want them to be. 

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If you want to love your partner genuinely, then put his/her happiness first. Also, don’t rely on another person for your own happiness. Be fulfilled with your own self first. 

Love is an extreme sensation of deep affection, the act of caring, and giving to someone else, or having someone’s best wellbeing and interest as a priority in your life. To truly love someone is a very selfless act.

Cute ways to say “I Love You, without saying I Love You!”

  1. I’m crazy about you.
  2. You’re my dream come true.
  3. You take my breath away.
  4. Since you’ve been around, I smile a lot more than I used to.
  5. You’re my partner in crime.
  6. I adore you.
  7. You’re my sunshine.


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