We all deal with toxic people in our day-to-day life. Toxic partners are easier to deal with, but toxic family members? Now that’s not easy, especially if it is your mother who is toxic.
Some people in your life will lift you up and give you support whenever you need it, and there could be others who enjoy tearing you down or causing you pain. It can be incredibly disheartening and challenging when a toxic person like this also happens to be your mother.
When discussing toxic parents, they are frequently describing parents who consistently behave in ways that cause fear, guilt, or obligation in their children. Their actions aren’t isolated events but patterns of conduct that negatively mold their child’s life.
Here are nine types of toxic mothers that scar their children for life:
1. The mom, you have to parent.
Most people want a bond with their mother where she can also be your friend and not just a mother. But this can turn into something unhealthy. It creates a needy mother who craves attention. You might have to be there for her 24/7.
Here a role shift will occur, and the child will end up acting as a parent and taking responsibility into his/her own hands.
2. The unrealistic expectation mother.
This sort of mother expects you to fulfill unrealistic expectations and be perfect all the time. In her eyes, nothing you do is good enough. You can never satisfy her, which puts a lot of pressure on you.
3. The neglectful mother.
A mother like this is never there for you. She has a hard time connecting with her child and often ends up neglecting her child. Mothers like this hate having emotional conversations with the children, which leads to children suffering from emotional abandonment.
4. The invasive mother.
These mothers don’t allow their children any privacy. They don’t respect their children’s boundaries. A mother like this believes that she has the right to meddle in her child’s life continuously.
5. The narcissistic mother.
This sort of mother is rather selfish and only cares about her own needs. She doesn’t have time for her kids. A narcissistic mother only cares about maintaining her social image and not about what happens inside her own house.
6. The aggressive mother.
An aggressive mother is always angry no matter what you do. It’s as if she is continuously taking her anger out on you.
7. The controlling mother.
A mother like this thinks that she is in control of your life. She doesn’t see you as someone independent who can make a decision on your own. Controlling mothers believe that they are helping you by doing so. But they don’t realize that it is very harmful to the development of their child.
8. The physical and verbally abusive mother.
Abuse comes in many forms; she may not always hit, threaten or yell. You may encounter it in more subtle ways, such as name-calling, silent treatment, or blame-shifting.
9. The lack of boundaries mother.
Although outbursts and bad days are normal for everyone, a toxic mother will continuously push you until you tire of their tactics and you give in to their ideas or situations out of exhaustion or frustration.
A mother’s wounds have developed at an early age, where you start believing that you are responsible for your mother’s pain, and you believe you can make your mother happy if you behave. Yet, the trust is that you are not responsible for your mother’s pain. You cannot make your mother happy unless she decides to be happy.
Happiness comes from within, and unfortunately, as children, we are not aware of this, and on a subconscious level, many of you believe that you are the culprits of your mother’s distress.
Outbursts and bad days are perfectly normal for anyone to have, including parents. But if the behaviors you remember from your childhood are constant or have some type of pattern, you may want to take a second look at how they impacted the person you have become.
Healing from a toxic mother.
To heal from a toxic mother is important; you should start by separating yourself from her. Your mother may be part of you and your make-up, but yet she is not you!
It is vital to start the healing process from the basics of understanding the relationship you had with your mother and then moving forward towards developing a clearer sense of who you are as an individual.
When we open ourselves to our suffering and see its roots, we could get to see the actions we might have to take to ease the suffering. It is not an easy task, yet it will help you to free yourself.