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9 Traits of an Emotional Abuser and Choices

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I‘m sure many of you have all dealt with emotional manipulation at some point or another in life, and as you know, it is extremely destructive. Sometimes you might even not realize that you are being manipulated. It is because emotional manipulators are skillful. 

Here are nine signs to help you in identifying an emotional manipulator. 

1. They weaken your faith in your hold of reality.

They are emotional manipulators who deny incidents saying that they didn’t happen. They manipulate you into thinking that you imagine things, making you doubt your sanity. 

2. Their actions don’t match your words.

These sorts of people will fill your ears with things you want to hear, but their actions are the opposite. They have the ability to change your perception in any way that is convenient for them.

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3. They are experts at doling out guilt.

They will make you feel guilty no matter what you do. Manipulators guilt you into doing things that benefit them. No matter the problems you both deal with, an emotional manipulator will always blame you.

4. They claim the role of the victim.

Emotional manipulators never admit their mistakes. If they make a mistake, it’s someone else’s fault and not theirs. They don’t take accountability for their faults.

5. They are too much, too soon.

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Emotional manipulators give so much too soon. Then they expect you to do the same. They try to make you feel special by showcasing that they are vulnerable and sensitive.

6. They are an emotional black hole.

Whenever they’re in a terrible mood, they ensure that others feel the same way. This might make you feel as if it is your fault and that you’re responsible for fixing them.

7. They are eager to help and then act like a martyr.

Even though an emotional manipulator might show that they’re eager to help, they act as if it is a huge burden in the end. The goal is to make you feel indebted and guilty.

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8. They always one-up you.

They act as if they have it worse. According to an emotional manipulator, your problems are nothing when compared to theirs. 

9. They know all your switches and don’t hesitate to use them.

Emotional manipulators know the ins and outs of your weaknesses. They use these weaknesses when they want to manipulate you. These people don’t focus on helping others with their shortcomings. Instead, they use them to their advantage.

In a nutshell, emotional abusers accusing, blaming, and denying behavior come from an emotional abuser’s insecurities. They like to create a hierarchy in which they are at the top, and you are at the bottom as they make you feel ashamed of your inadequacies, which gives them power by controlling and shaming you.

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Emotional abusers like to isolate you. When they cut you off from supportive people, they can humiliate, neglect, and criticize you to break your self-esteem. They need you to boost their self-esteem.

What you could do:

Should you experience some of the above signs, know that it is not right, and you should seek help from a professional or support from a loved one. You could search for a national domestic abuse hotline number that can put you in touch with someone.

Alternatively, your choices are;

1.Accept that the abuse is not your responsibility. It is unlikely you can help your abuser to break the pattern without professional counselling.

2. Set boundaries and don’t get sucked into arguments. 

3. Cut ties and make it clear that you are moving on. 

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Leaving any relationship is difficult if you are married and have children or shared assets. It’s advisable to seek legal assistance if that is your position.

Should you leave the relationship, allow yourself time to heal.

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